아이들은 무엇을 필요로 하는가?
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작성자 sky 댓글 0건 조회 14,558회 작성일 14-03-27 13:09본문
아이들은 무엇을 필요로 하는가?
What Do Children Need?
로버트 버로우즈 By Robert J. Burrowes
로버트 버로우즈 By Robert J. Burrowes
19 March, 2014
Countercurrents.org
Countercurrents.org
물질적 필요를 충족시키는 일의 하나로써, 어린이에게 가장 필요로 하는 것은 자극과 관심이다, 이는 달리말하자면 사랑이라 부를수있다.
어린이들은 세상에 뭐가 있는지를 탐험하려고 움직이는 일이 태생적으로 프로그램되어져 있다, 그래서 끝없이 자연현상이 변하는 것에 관심을 맞춘다, 이렇게 해서 아이들의 감정과 지능, 물리적 발달이 자극받는 것이다. 그러나 아이가 유모차에만 갇히고, 끌개나, 갑옷이나 우리 같은 공간에 갇혀서 집안이나 건물 안에만 있다면, 그 아이는 태양, 바람, 비, 바위, 작대기, 나뭇잎, 흙, 광경, 소리, 냄새의 자극을 얻지 못한다.
이렇게 자란 아이는 자연적 운행에서 폐쇄되고 환경적 자극이 아이의 발달에 사라지며 스스로 독립심이 결핍된다. 그럼 뭐가 생기는가, 거기에 폭력이 들어오며 http://tinyurl.com/whyviolence , 또 두렴없는 심리와 두려워하는 심리의 갈라짐 http://anitamckone.wordpress.com/articles-2/fearless-and-fearful-psychology/ 이 생긴다.
Children are genetically programmed to move about to explore their world and to focus their attention on an endless succession of natural phenomena which stimulates their emotional, intellectual and physical development. However, if you confine a child in a pram, pusher, basinet, cot or any other 'imprisoned' space, and particularly if you leave it inside a house or other building (devoid of natural stimuli such as sun, wind, rain, rocks, sticks, leaves, earth, sights, sounds and smells), the child is denied a natural range of movement and the environmental stimuli it needs for its development, including the development of its capacity to become
self-reliant. See 'Why Violence?' http://tinyurl.com/whyviolence and 'Fearless Psychology and Fearful Psychology: Principles and Practice' http://anitamckone.wordpress.com/articles-2/fearless-and-fearful-psychology/
self-reliant. See 'Why Violence?' http://tinyurl.com/whyviolence and 'Fearless Psychology and Fearful Psychology: Principles and Practice' http://anitamckone.wordpress.com/articles-2/fearless-and-fearful-psychology/
따라서 아이들은 다른 사람이 주는 자극과 관심이 필요한 것인데 오늘날과 같은 핵가족시대에는 이를 부모가 해줘야하는 것이다. 그런데 그걸 못하고, 장난감같은 가공의 물건으로 아이들을 달래주는 것인데 그것은 폐쇄된 가공의 공간에 갇힌 아이에게 보상으로 주어지는 것이다. 이런 과정이 지속되면서 아이들의 스스로의 탐구력과 환경적응력은 파괴되며 그렇다보니 부모들은 아이들에게 외적인 자극물을 끝없이 공급하는 악순환이 되풀이된다. 그게 바라는 발달과정을 넘어가는 것이며 또 아이에게 실제로 필요한 것도 그것은 아니기 때문이다.
Consequently, the child will now 'require' the attention (that is, stimulus) of another individual (which, in a nuclear family, will most
usually be a parent) and delusionary artefacts such as toys, to compensate for the lack of natural stimuli in its confined and artificial space. The child's natural capacity to pay attention to itself and its environment is thus systematically destroyed and this increases the pressure on parents to provide 'endless' amounts of 'outside' stimulus for the child which is vastly beyond what evolution intended and not what the child actually needs.
usually be a parent) and delusionary artefacts such as toys, to compensate for the lack of natural stimuli in its confined and artificial space. The child's natural capacity to pay attention to itself and its environment is thus systematically destroyed and this increases the pressure on parents to provide 'endless' amounts of 'outside' stimulus for the child which is vastly beyond what evolution intended and not what the child actually needs.
요점은 어린이들이 일정량의 자극을 필요로 한다는 것이며 이것이 다른사람의 관심으로 주어져야한다, 그래서 감정반응을 전반적으로 발달시킬수있는 것이다. 그러나 사정만 허락된다면 자연적인 자극을 활용하는게 좋다. 그것이 아이들의 자기 독립심을 배우는 기회가 된다.
The point is that children need a certain amount of stimulus, and some of this in the form of attention from other humans, so that its innate potential to develop a full range of emotional responses and to speak, for example, is realised. But it will make phenomenally good use of natural stimulus (and require a great deal less attention from others) if it has the opportunity to do so. And it will use this learning to become self-reliant.
들어주는 것의 중요성 The Importance of Listening
다른이에게 관심을 가지는 것의 가장 중요한 것은, 어린이를 포함해서 들어주는 것이다. 듣는 것이란 이런 맥락에서 정확한 의미를 가지는데, 그것이 부모가 좋은 뜻이건 나쁜 것이건 자녀들과의 관계에서 변함없이 행해지고 있는 일이다.
다른이에게 관심을 가지는 것의 가장 중요한 것은, 어린이를 포함해서 들어주는 것이다. 듣는 것이란 이런 맥락에서 정확한 의미를 가지는데, 그것이 부모가 좋은 뜻이건 나쁜 것이건 자녀들과의 관계에서 변함없이 행해지고 있는 일이다.
당신은 아이가 느끼는 것을 귀기울여서 듣지않는 단순한 행동이 그 아이를 감정적으로 얼마나 파괴를 하는 일인지 알고 있는가? 또 아이가 아무 기력이 없게도 만드는 것임을 말이다. 불행히도 모든 부모들이 아이의 느낌에 대해 귀를 기울이지를 않는다. 그래서 우리 세상은 기력이 없는 사람으로 채워져있다.
The most important form of attention that anyone, including a child, requires is listening. Listening, in this context, has a precise meaning and it is invariably done extremely badly, particularly by parents in relation to their own children.
Did you know that the simple act of not listening to how a child feels destroys it emotionally and makes it powerless? If you want to destroy a child, you do not have to do anything else. Unfortunately, all parents do not listen (to a greater or lesser extent) to the feelings of their children. Hence our world of powerless individuals.
When someone speaks, apart from uttering words, they also convey feelings (which might be very subtle). Therefore, any communication consists of intellectual and emotional content and both of these elements need to be heard if you wish to understand what a speaker is trying to convey. Given that human beings are taught to focus on the intellectual content of any communication and learn to fear its emotional content, it is not surprising that few people are naturally good listeners and few people have benefited from the effort made in recent decades to learn some of the art of listening (through, for example, workshops that teach 'reflectiv listening').
Virtually all humans learn to unconsciously screen out the emotional content of the communications of other people. Why? Because listening to the feelings of another person is likely to 'trigger' feelings in the listener, and this can be frightening. For example, if someone is angry with you, do you find it easy to calmly listen to their anger and then reflect, for example, 'You sound very angry that I did not listen to you' and, if necessary, to then listen more while they tell you how angry they are with you? Most people 'listening' in this circumstance are immediately frightened into a defensive reaction which exacerbates the speaker's sense of being unheard and their fear and anger in response to this. And the 'listener' is now scared and needs listening about their own fear as well.
So the competition to 'get the listening' (usually in the form of an argument) quickly spirals down into 'no-one is listening'.
There are, of course, more mundane reasons for not listening to a child. How many parents are able to listen to a child say that it doesn't want to go to school? Listening to this might be quite inconvenient for the parent. And frightening if it becomes the norm. For most parents, it is easier to not listen (that is, to ignore the child's communication) and to fall back on violence: force the child to attend school.
If you cannot listen to someone's feelings, then you cannot listen to all of what they are trying to communicate. And, in order to listen well, it is necessary to be unafraid of any of your own feelings that might be raised by their communication.
Given that virtually all people are scared of feelings (which are often seen as 'inappropriate' in particular social contexts) and the power these feelings give the individual to resist their own oppression, there is 'good' reason why children are systematically terrorised into suppressing their awareness of how they feel. After all, if you want an obedient slave who fits readily into one of the approved roles in existing society, it is vital that its emotional power is destroyed. People who are emotionally powerful make appalling slaves.
And we do want slaves. If we wanted people to be genuinely free and powerful, and to know what words like 'liberty' and 'democracy' really meant, then we would give freedom and democracy to our children, including the right to choose whether or not they go to school. You cannot force a child to attend school – where it is imprisoned under the charge of a controlling adult who directs all activities under threat of violence (even if we delude ourselves by calling it 'punishment') for the slightest disobedience – and then expect it to genuinely comprehend the meaning of (as distinct from mouth the rhetoric of) words like 'freedom' and 'democracy'.
If we are to effectively tackle the full range of violent problems we face in the world – including war, environmental degradation and economic exploitation – then our strategy must include tackling violence at its source: the violence we adults inflict on children because we are afraid to listen to them and to let them make choices (and mistakes) for themselves.
If you wish to join the worldwide movement to end all violence, you are welcome to sign online 'The People's Charter to Create a Nonviolent World' http://thepeoplesnonviolencecharter.wordpress.com
The true art of listening is to hear that which is unspoken.
Robert J. Burrowes has a lifetime commitment to understanding and ending human violence. He has done extensive research since 1966 in an effort to understand why human beings are violent and has been a nonviolent activist since 1981. He is the author of 'Why Violence?' http://tinyurl.com/whyviolence His email address is flametree@riseup.net and his website is at http://robertjburrowes.wordpress.com
Did you know that the simple act of not listening to how a child feels destroys it emotionally and makes it powerless? If you want to destroy a child, you do not have to do anything else. Unfortunately, all parents do not listen (to a greater or lesser extent) to the feelings of their children. Hence our world of powerless individuals.
When someone speaks, apart from uttering words, they also convey feelings (which might be very subtle). Therefore, any communication consists of intellectual and emotional content and both of these elements need to be heard if you wish to understand what a speaker is trying to convey. Given that human beings are taught to focus on the intellectual content of any communication and learn to fear its emotional content, it is not surprising that few people are naturally good listeners and few people have benefited from the effort made in recent decades to learn some of the art of listening (through, for example, workshops that teach 'reflectiv listening').
Virtually all humans learn to unconsciously screen out the emotional content of the communications of other people. Why? Because listening to the feelings of another person is likely to 'trigger' feelings in the listener, and this can be frightening. For example, if someone is angry with you, do you find it easy to calmly listen to their anger and then reflect, for example, 'You sound very angry that I did not listen to you' and, if necessary, to then listen more while they tell you how angry they are with you? Most people 'listening' in this circumstance are immediately frightened into a defensive reaction which exacerbates the speaker's sense of being unheard and their fear and anger in response to this. And the 'listener' is now scared and needs listening about their own fear as well.
So the competition to 'get the listening' (usually in the form of an argument) quickly spirals down into 'no-one is listening'.
There are, of course, more mundane reasons for not listening to a child. How many parents are able to listen to a child say that it doesn't want to go to school? Listening to this might be quite inconvenient for the parent. And frightening if it becomes the norm. For most parents, it is easier to not listen (that is, to ignore the child's communication) and to fall back on violence: force the child to attend school.
If you cannot listen to someone's feelings, then you cannot listen to all of what they are trying to communicate. And, in order to listen well, it is necessary to be unafraid of any of your own feelings that might be raised by their communication.
Given that virtually all people are scared of feelings (which are often seen as 'inappropriate' in particular social contexts) and the power these feelings give the individual to resist their own oppression, there is 'good' reason why children are systematically terrorised into suppressing their awareness of how they feel. After all, if you want an obedient slave who fits readily into one of the approved roles in existing society, it is vital that its emotional power is destroyed. People who are emotionally powerful make appalling slaves.
And we do want slaves. If we wanted people to be genuinely free and powerful, and to know what words like 'liberty' and 'democracy' really meant, then we would give freedom and democracy to our children, including the right to choose whether or not they go to school. You cannot force a child to attend school – where it is imprisoned under the charge of a controlling adult who directs all activities under threat of violence (even if we delude ourselves by calling it 'punishment') for the slightest disobedience – and then expect it to genuinely comprehend the meaning of (as distinct from mouth the rhetoric of) words like 'freedom' and 'democracy'.
If we are to effectively tackle the full range of violent problems we face in the world – including war, environmental degradation and economic exploitation – then our strategy must include tackling violence at its source: the violence we adults inflict on children because we are afraid to listen to them and to let them make choices (and mistakes) for themselves.
If you wish to join the worldwide movement to end all violence, you are welcome to sign online 'The People's Charter to Create a Nonviolent World' http://thepeoplesnonviolencecharter.wordpress.com
The true art of listening is to hear that which is unspoken.
Robert J. Burrowes has a lifetime commitment to understanding and ending human violence. He has done extensive research since 1966 in an effort to understand why human beings are violent and has been a nonviolent activist since 1981. He is the author of 'Why Violence?' http://tinyurl.com/whyviolence His email address is flametree@riseup.net and his website is at http://robertjburrowes.wordpress.com
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